If Only
by Krissyy
Summary: Marauders' Seventh Year: A story of Remus and Sirius's complicated feelings for each other.
1. Kiss

Remus Lupin was drunk. He usually did not take part when his friends drank, and if he did, he only had a single Butterbeer or sip of Firewhiskey. Tonight, however, seemed an acceptable occasion for celebration: the Ancient Runes test that had been stressing him out for the previous two weeks had taken place today, and he was thankful that it was over and he could finally stop worrying. Therefore, when James and Sirius revealed their stash of drinks this Friday night, he was happy to grab one (or two… or three…) and join in the festivities.

A few hours had passed since the evening began, and Remus was feeling particularly giddy. The only thing tainting the fun was the fact that Sirius had his arm draped around some blonde sixth year girl. He was speaking quietly to her as she leaned into him, giggling. Remus wrinkled his nose and lifted his bottle of Firewhiskey.

A short while later, Sirius grabbed a nearby empty bottle and set it in the center of the circle of Gryffindors. "Let's play spin the bottle!" Two girls who had been sitting in nearby armchairs discreetly joined the gathering as James spun the bottle first. A series of moans ensued as it stopped, pointing at Lily, who sat right next to James. Everyone was accustomed to viewing James and Lily kiss at all hours of the day, so it was a rather usual sight and not very interesting to watch. They began to snog until Lily broke off, laughing.

"Your turn," Sirius said, nodding at Lily.

She seemed slightly taken aback at this, and James argued, "She's already had her go."

But Sirius shook his head, wagging his finger back and forth. "Nope. She's got to spin it now."

James glared at his friend threateningly, but before they could argue anymore, Lily leaned forward and spun the bottle.

The illumination from the nearby fireplace reflected off of the glass bottle, and sparkles danced in Remus's vision, making him feel dizzy. He shut his eyes to escape this sensation. A few seconds passed, and then someone nudged him. He opened his eyes to see Peter Pettigrew, sitting to his left, looking at him expectantly. Then Remus noticed that the bottle was pointing at him. His eyes widened and he looked up to see that James's menacing glare was now directed at him.

"You don't have to do it, Lily," James told her.

She looked torn. "But it's the game, James." She touched his shoulder. "Just play along."

He frowned. "Play along? No, Lily, I'm not going to let you snog one of my best friends!" She had started to crawl across the circle, and he grabbed her arm.

Remus sat there helplessly, watching this play out.

"Honestly, James!" yelped Lily, and she wrenched her arm away from him and continued across the circle.

She stopped in front of Remus, and he looked first into her smiling eyes, then beyond her at James's hostile ones. Lily leaned forward to initiate the kiss, a short peck on the lips, and then backed off. Remus's eyes instinctively darted to Sirius, who glanced away from him and then said emotionlessly, "Your turn, Moony."

Oh. Remus had forgotten this part. He would have to kiss yet another person. He leaned forward and, after a few missed attempts, grabbed the bottle and sent it spinning. Again the sparkles mystified him and confused his vision, but he kept his eyes open this time. After a long while, the bottle stopped. His heart jumped when he saw that it pointed to Sirius, the person he would like to kiss most in the room, though certainly not under these circumstances. He stayed rooted to the spot.

One of the younger girls who had joined the game at the last moment pushed him out of a sitting position, giggling to her friend. Somehow Remus found himself kneeling in front of Sirius. He stared uncomfortably into Sirius's grey eyes, not able to shake the fact that countless other pairs of eyes were watching him. There was surprising silence in the room. After a few moments, Sirius disentangled his hand from the blonde girl's and used it to pull Remus's neck towards him. Their lips met gently, though much more fully than the peck Remus had just shared with Lily. The kiss lasted no more than two seconds, but somehow Remus's face managed to turn deep red during it. He backed into his old spot in the circle sheepishly and looked at the floor so the others wouldn't see his rosy face. The game continued in the background. Sirius's spin landed on the girl who had pushed Remus forward, and she was delighted by this, making the most of her opportunity. Remus tried his best not to look.

Eventually the evening died down and people began leaving to their dormitories. Feeling extraordinarily tired, Remus waited until a sufficient amount had gone so that he wouldn't appear to be a child going to bed early. He stood up and headed to bed, glancing back to where only James, Lily, Sirius, and a collection of girls remained.

His heart sunk. He had imagined that kissing Sirius would be wonderful, and it had been, sort of. But there was a nagging feeling in his mind that constantly reminded him it hadn't been for real. _If only…_


	2. Remember

The next morning, Remus didn't feel so well. Last night was a bit fuzzy in his memory, but he knew he had had a lot to drink, so it was no wonder he was feeling this way. Luckily, it was Saturday, so he didn't have to worry about getting up early for classes. However, the others eventually woke up and were being rather loud inside the dormitory.

Sirius stuck his head inside the curtain around Remus's bed. Wearily opening one eye, Remus stared at him. "Moony! You're up," said Sirius.

"Gahh," was the lycanthrope's reply, as he buried his head under his pillow.

"Here," offered Sirius. "Drink this." He held out a cup of sweet-smelling liquid and Remus looked up, eying it suspiciously.

"It'll make you feel better," promised Sirius, nudging the cup at Remus's chest.

Remus sat up and grabbed the cup as a drop of the liquid spilled onto his pajamas. He held it to his lips and drank. It tasted like flowers, which Remus noted was an odd observation, seeing as he had never eaten flowers before.

His head began to feel lighter, but in a good way, and he could now look out into the room beyond Sirius without the light hurting his eyes.

"Thanks," he said to Sirius, setting the empty cup on his bedside table. Sirius moved aside to let Remus get out of bed and begin rummaging through his trunk for clothes.

Remus decided to go to the library later that day to write an essay for Potions class. He told the other Marauders after breakfast, then headed to the library for some peace and quiet. Settling at his usual table in the back corner, Remus pulled his Potions book, some spare parchment, his favorite quill, and some ink out of his bag. He scribbled a heading onto his essay, then heard some rather loud whispering and looked up.

Two Gryffindor girls were seated at the table next to his and were speaking softly to each other. When Remus looked at them, they buried their heads deeper together and laughed. Frowning, Remus returned to his essay. He had never seen these girls in the library before. He thought that they were fifth years, but could not remember their names. He flipped open his Potions book to the section on Polyjuice Potion and began writing.

After a few moments, someone sat down in the chair across from Remus. Surprised, he looked up, thinking maybe it was Lily. He was mistaken. One of the fifth year girls sat there, smiling.

Remus looked over his shoulder - perhaps the girl was smiling at someone standing behind him. There was no one there, however, so he turned back to face her. "Er – hello," he said awkwardly.

"Hello," said the girl, cocking her head to one side.

Remus stared at her. "Is there something-"

She interrupted him. "Do you like Sirius Black?"

Taken aback, Remus replied, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," said the girl. "Do you like him _as more than a friend_?"

Remus frowned. "Seeing as I have no idea who you are, I don't see why you're asking me this question."

"I'm Nora," said the girl. "And I saw you kiss Sirius last night. I was just wondering if you liked him, because you sure acted like you do."

"Kiss _Sirius_? I didn't…" Suddenly the memory came flashing back to Remus: spinning lights, grey eyes, warm breath, and he felt his face color again. "Um. I'm sorry, but I have to go."

He hastily gathered his belongings and shoved them into his bag, then hoisted the bag onto his shoulder and started to leave.

"Wait!" called Nora, and after a moment of consideration, he slowly turned to face her. "You haven't answered me," she pointed out.

"No," spat Remus. "Of course not. That would be idiotic." Then he walked out of the library before she could ask him anymore.

**AN: I'm hoping to continue this for a while, as long as I don't run out of ideas. Hopefully someone will review it, though... **


	3. Study

Now that he remembered the kiss, Remus couldn't help but feel a little strange around Sirius, although Sirius normal – that is to say, he acted the same as usual, since he was never quite _normal_ – towards Remus. _Well, of course he would, he was obviously not affected in the same way. _

Monday night, in the Gryffindor common room, the Marauders sat doing homework. Remus rested in an armchair with a large copy of _Advanced Rune Translation_ in his lap, scratching notes on a spare piece of parchment. The other three were kneeling a low table. Peter appeared to be concentrating very hard on his Transfiguration assignment, reading instructions on how to conjure items from thin air and attempting to make this happen. James was drawing a complicated diagram that was most likely a play he was planning for Quidditch. Sirius stared at his half-filled roll of parchment with blank eyes, his quill dripping dots of ink onto his partially completed essay.

After a rather long period of silence, Sirius snapped out of trance, glanced down at his work, and let out an angry growl, banging his head on the table. This attracted the attention of quite a few onlookers, who gave Sirius strange looks, then moved on. The other Marauders also all glanced up at him.

"Is something wrong, Padfoot?" asked Peter, who had dropped his wand at Sirius's outburst.

"This- this- _essay_!" spat Sirius, as if it were a curse word. "It's driving me insane."

"For what class?" inquired Remus, leaning forward in his chair.

"Potions," said Sirius. "I've been working on it for ages and I just can't seem to get it to be long enough."

Setting his book aside, Remus lifted Sirius's parchment off of the table and scanned it. Trying not to cringe at the awful writing, he tapped a finger on his chin. "Well, I finished this essay yesterday, and I found that chapter thirteen was really useful," he said, nodding at Sirius's Potions book, which lay on the table. "Have you looked there?"

"Yes!" cried Sirius in exasperation. "I've looked everywhere, Moony! It's got to be impossible to write this much."

"Clearly not, seeing as I did it," Remus pointed out, handing Sirius back his paper.

Sirius frowned, appearing to be deep in thought for a moment. "Could I take a look at your essay, Moony? Just to get some ideas, you know."

Remus rolled his eyes. His friends constantly used his work "just to get some ideas." He dug in his bag and pulled out his essay, then handed it to Sirius.

"Thanks, Rem. You're a lifesaver."

**AN: Thank you for all the kind reviews. :) They make my day. I really writing like this fic at the moment, it's fun!**


	4. Punished

_I'm bored. _Sirius slid this note to Remus during Transfiguration class.

Remus glanced at him and scribbled back. _Here's a suggestion: listen to the lesson._

_That would not cure my boredom. Try again,_ replied Sirius.

_I don't know. Ask Prongs. I'm trying to learn._

_You don't need to learn any more, your head's big enough as it is._ But Sirius obliged, turning to his other side and exchanging a note with James.

A few seconds later, he turned back to Remus. _Prongs said to tell you to make it rain._

_Aww, Padfoot, not now. McGonagall will see._

_She will not! I'll say it's me if she does. Please, Moony, pleeeeeeeeeeease?_

_Do it yourself._

_You know I can't! I haven't got the skills that you do. And you're not even willing to share those skills with your friends… Selfish…_

_All right, if you'll shut up I'll do it. Hang on._

Remus slyly slid his wand off of his desk and out of sight. He angled it up to ceiling and to the left, over the heads of a group of Slytherins, and suddenly, a light rain shower began to fall on their heads. As quickly as it had begun, it ended, and a few of the Slytherins looked around, confused.

Catching sight of a particularly humorous-looking, large Slytherin bloke who was attempting to shake the water out of his hair, Sirius barely managed to turn a chuckle into a cough. James flashed a thumbs-up in Remus's direction under the desks. McGonagall seemed unaware any of this had happened; her back was turned to the class as she wrote on the blackboard.

Sirius shot Remus a pointed look. _Again!_

Silently vowing that this would be the last rainstorm of the class, Remus again pointed his wand upward, this time aiming it directly above Severus Snape's seat. Rain began to trickle from the ceiling, and this time Remus, quite pleased with his little trick, let it continue for a second too long.

"Mr. Lupin!" cried Professor McGonagall. Sirius grabbed the wand out of his hand and twirled it at the ceiling, pretending that it had been him who had cast the spell. McGonagall gave him a quizzical look, then turned back to Remus. "You obviously need to be reminded of the fact that being a prefect is not only a responsibility, but a privilege, and a reflection on your House."

Remus stared at her, a bit pale. "Yes, Professor."

Sirius continued to weave Remus's wand through the air. "But, Professor, it was me, not him! Don't take it out on the poor prefect."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "If you would like to join Mr. Lupin in detention, Mr. Black, then so be it. Detention, Saturday, the pair of you."

With that, she continued teaching the lesson. Remus placed his elbow on his desk, leaned his head on his hand and glared sideways at Sirius. Sirius shrugged and mouthed, "It was worth it!"


	5. Discuss

As Potions class ended, Professor Slughorn called to Sirius and Remus to stay behind and discuss something with him. Remus raised an eyebrow at his friend, who merely shrugged as they headed to Slughorn's desk.

"Yes, yes," murmured Slughorn as he shuffled through papers on his desk. "Here we are. Now, I have you two boys' recent essay assignments, and I couldn't help but notice that they were distinctly similar."

Remus shot an irritated glance sideways to Sirius, who kept his gaze forward.

"Actually," frowned Slughorn. "They were- they were the exact same." He looked over the two pieces of parchment in his hands as he spoke. "Unfortunately for you, the school policy for cheating in this way is for the students to be assigned detention. So you boys will be with me in detention this Saturday." He nodded, finished with his speech.

"Er- " Remus scratched the back of his head. "Could we possibly do another day, Professor?"

"Another day?" chortled Slughorn. "Well, I would have to argue that you don't quite have the right to arrange the date of your punishment."

"The thing is, Professor," interjected Sirius, "that we've already got detention on Saturday with Professor McGonagall."

"Already got…" Slughorn shook his head. "You lot just can't keep out of trouble, can you? Well, I don't see why you shouldn't have to pay for it as all the other students do. You can have your detention with Professor McGonagall and then come to me afterwards the same day, can you not?"

"If we want to waste our entire weekend, sure," muttered Sirius under his breath.

Slughorn held a hand to his ear. "What was that, my boy? I didn't quite catch that."

Sirius looked over at Remus. "I said that would be fine, Professor. We'll see you then.

"I can't believe it – an entire Saturday, wasted," complained Remus as they headed to their common room.

"Tell me about it," replied Sirius. "At least all you're missing out on is studying. You shouldn't complain."

"Yeah? And what great adventures had you been planning for Saturday?" Remus asked.

"Some much needed alone time with Nora Ainsworth." Sirius's voice had a dreamy air to it.

"Nora…" Remus nearly skipped a step on the Grand Staircase, recalling that this was the name of the strange girl in the library. "You mean that fifth year girl?"

"Yes, Moony, I mean 'that fifth year girl,'" Sirius said the words in a mocking tone. "Me and her are sort of going out now."

Remus gave him a confused look. "What about that- that blonde one?"

Sirius waved a hand in the air dismissively. "Ditched her. Much too clingy."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You're so shallow, you know that?"

"Maybe you would understand better if you had _ever_ had a girlfriend," argued Sirius.

They had reached the seventh floor and headed in the direction of the portrait of the Fat Lady. Remus crossed his arms over his chest, frowning.

"I could have a girlfriend if I wanted," he said defensively. "If you haven't forgotten, my life is a bit more complicated than yours."

Sirius shrugged. "If you're going to keep using that as an excuse, mate, then you need to stop acting so jealous of the fact that Prongs and I have girlfriends and you haven't."

"Jealous," sputtered Remus. "I am not _jealous_."

"You can say that…" muttered Sirius quietly, then stated the password to the Fat Lady and climbed through the portrait hole, Remus following close behind.

Before Remus could try to explain himself or argue anymore, Sirius had darted over to the silhouette of Nora standing by the fireplace.

Feeling rather alone, Remus wandered over to where he spotted the back of Peter's head sticking over the back of one of the couches. "Hey, Pete," he said. Peter evidently did not hear him or chose not to look; he was locked in an embrace with an unidentifiable girl, kissing her.

Remus unintentionally wrinkled his nose and backed away, then headed up to his dormitory. Flopping onto his bed sullenly and picking up a textbook at random, he flipped it open as an attempt at distracting himself. Sirius was partially right: he was feeling a strange surge of jealousy, not directed towards the other boys who had girlfriends, but at one girl in particular and the situation she was currently in.

**AN: Thank you for all of the kind reviews! A chapter from Sirius's point of view is a good idea - I will use that at some point, so thanks! Let me know what you think of this chapter...**


	6. Clean

McGonagall smiled smugly as Remus and Sirius entered her classroom that Saturday. "Hello, boys. You're a bit late. I guess I should have suspected that you would be. Anyhow…"

She directed them to clean the desks in the classroom, a simple task considering she did not specify that they were not allowed to use magic, as some of the teachers would at times. The desks were rather dirty. Some had inked drawings and doodles (one had the letters L.E. scratched on the surface and Remus thought of James as he aimed his wand at it). Others had sticky remnants of food and Merlin knows what else.

McGonagall remained in the room, correcting papers at her desk, as Sirius and Remus moved as quickly as they could through the rows of desks, _Scourgify_ing as they went. It was awkwardly silent, but Remus felt it would be inappropriate to talk, seeing as this was a punishment. Luckily, Sirius had returned to being his jubilant self that morning, forgetting or dismissing his accusations of Remus the night before.

Eventually they finished, the half of the desks which Remus had cleaned looking moderately better than Sirius's, whose mind was clearly elsewhere. McGonagall dismissed them and Sirius raced into the hallway, taking a deep breath when he got there as if he had been underwater during the entire time they had been in the classroom.

"Finally free," he gasped.

But Remus reminded him, "Not really. We've got to head to Slughorn's room now."

"Thanks for reminding me," frowned Sirius. "This is awful."

"Well, if you hadn't _copied my entire essay_, we wouldn't be doing this," Remus pointed out with a touch of anger in his voice.

"You said that I could look at it!" protested Sirius. "How was I supposed to know that he would read them that closely?"

Remus could think of several reasons why Sirius should have known that, but he didn't bother to share them. At times Sirius was the most annoying and frustrating person on the planet. Remus had learned long ago that it was no use arguing with him.

Slughorn set them to work organizing new shipments of potions ingredients into their specified containers. They dumped large buckets of multicolored liquids into various smaller jugs and moved assorted grasses, barks, and insects into covered containers. At one point, they both grabbed the same flask of honeywater and Remus felt the familiar warm jolt that always happened when he came in direct contact with Sirius. Sirius's hand surprisingly jumped away. When Remus looked up at him, his grey eyes were startled, but grew stormy as he quickly looked away.

Frowning, Remus took the flask, wondering whether Sirius was still upset with him. It seemed that lately, Sirius always had something to bicker about. The two friends had not had the same quality of fun that Remus had always enjoyed so much in a rather long time, and he missed this friendship dearly. If nothing more, he at least wanted Sirius to remain his best friend, someone he could trust, someone who could always put a smile on his face.

**AN: Thank you guys for all the kind reviews! Keep 'em coming. ;) Haha, I hope you enjoy... I'm running out of ideas, which isn't good, so I may not be updately quite as frequently. Any suggestions are welcome, too. I think I will do the chapter from Sirius's POV next. Anyway, thanks for reading, and please review! :)**


	7. Ignore

Sirius did in fact get to spend time with Nora after detention that Saturday.

"Is something wrong, Sirius?" asked Nora, fingering his hair as he broke away from their kiss.

"Nope," said Sirius absentmindedly. "Just dandy. Sorry, Nora, I'm not really in the mood right now…"

"Hmf." She crossed her arms over her chest and edged away. "Well, what else is there to do?"

"We could… we could, uh, do some homework."

"Homework?" scoffed Nora. "That's the best you can come up with?"

Sirius shook his head, not meeting her gaze. "Like I said, I'm not really… feeling too well."

Nora deliberately positioned herself to look into his eyes. "Something _is_ wrong." She stuck out her lower lip and persisted. "Please tell me!"

"I don't think you want to hear it," answered Sirius grimly.

Nora appeared worried. "It's another girl, isn't it?" Wringing her hands, she continued, "Oh, I knew it, I knew it wouldn't last…"

Sirius shook his head, barking a quick laugh. "No, that's not it. Not quite."

Something mischievous sparkled in Nora's eyes. "I know your problem. It's Remus Lupin."

Sirius glanced at her. "What are you talking about?" he asked sharply.

"He's interested in you, you know," she replied in an offhand tone. "He claims he's not, but I know he is. I imagined he would never act on it, though, so I thought you were fair game."

"What do you mean 'he claims he's not'? Since when do you speak to Remus?"

"Oh, it was just the once," answered Nora. "All the more reason for him to lie, I suppose, considering he didn't know me very well."

Sirius blinked, thinking about this for a few moments. "Well, um- I don't know quite where your logic on this came from, but you're wrong."

Nora tilted her head, smiling pityingly. "I don't see how I can be. The way he acts around you, looks at you, he always flinches when he touches you. It's incredibly sweet, actually. I knew it was inevitable that it would happen, and to be honest I don't quite mind losing you too much if it means seeing the two of you together."

Sirius gave a start. "You're not losing me!" he protested. "I don't know where you came up with this funny business about me and Remus, but it's not true. It's ridiculous…"

Nora shrugged. "All right, then."

At that, Sirius pulled her into another fervent kiss, disregarding the numerous contemplations and speculations clouding his head.

Unfortunately, it is an immensely difficult task to ignore the desires of your heart. Sirius Black was learning this firsthand.

**AN: I'm sorry if I'm making Sirius appear stupid! It's not intentional. I just always imagined that he could have been more skilled if he applied himself, whereas Remus always tried his best at everything he did and therefore... was the best. Haha, well, Remus is my favorite character, so maybe I'm biased. Anyways, I hope you guys like the Sirius chapter! Review please!**


	8. Argue

Remus had headed to the library after detention on Saturday. After completing his Arithmency homework and finishing an essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts about Inferi, he spent the rest of his time there reading a relaxing book. A glance at the clock told him that it was much later than he had thought and he hurried to gather up his possessions; he had already missed dinner, but perhaps the others had brought back food for him.

He hastened back to the Gryffindor common room. Climbing through the portrait hole, he was immediately filled with rage at the sight of Sirius snogging Nora in plain sight on one of the large red sofas.

"Do you really need to do that right here?" he asked in an irritated tone.

Sirius broke away and his eyebrows furrowed as he looked up and found the source of the complaint. "Do you have a problem with it?" Nora scooted into a corner of the couch, hugging her knees.

Remus started walking past them toward the stairs to the dormitory, slowly. "Yeah, I do, actually. This is supposed to be a _common_ room for people to mingle. You appear to have claimed it for yourselves because no one wants to be around when you're going at each other."

"People could be here if they wanted to," replied Sirius. "We wouldn't mind. There were other people in here a little while ago. You're just a bit sensitive to this sort of stuff, Moony, considering you have the same amount of experience with girls as you had when you walked through the doors at age eleven."

Remus felt his face grow red, with both fury and embarrassment. "I can't believe you! You just won't drop that point, will you?" He shook his head. "Not everyone wants to spend every waking moment snogging somebody! I suppose that you do, though, so I'll just leave you to it!"

He increased his pace as he moved toward the staircase to the dormitories, then raced up the stairs. Angrily plunging onto his bed, he whipped his wand out of his pocket and aimed it at Sirius's bed, which had various belongings strewn on top of it. Papers flew into the air and tore down the center, articles of clothing ripped, and a Sneakoscope, Remembrall, and set of Gobstones were all destroyed.

Satisfied, Remus fell back into his bed, wishing to leave the dormitory, but knowing there was no exit except where he would have to walk past Sirius. He couldn't stand to look at Sirius; the very thought of his face made him angry.

**AN: Oh no... What now? Hehe. Thank you for all the reviews. :3**


	9. Break Up

Sirius had taken to avoiding Remus, for once choosing to hold a grudge. It was rather difficult to accomplish this, however, considering how much time the two usually spent together. Unfortunately, avoiding Remus also meant avoiding James and Peter, since the group was generally inseparable. Sirius ignored anything that Remus said at meals in Great Hall, occasionally getting up to edge into a seat beside Nora, who sat with her friends at the other end of the long table. In classes, Sirius had taken to paying attention and would fervently taken notes in every subject. After classes were over, he would spend all of his free time with Nora, ditching the Marauders altogether and coming into the dormitory late in the night.

Remus's accusations and obsessions over his and Nora's relationship were simply unnecessary and getting on Sirius's nerves, never mind the fact that Remus had destroyed his belongings, some of which he had failed to repair (he would normally ask the werewolf for help, but this was obviously out of the question). It pained him to see the glares of his friend in class or in the hallways, a disgust portrayed in Remus's eyes never before directed towards Sirius. However, he felt it would be weak to back down at this point, to let Remus have his way, to go back to spending more time with the other Marauders, as much as he did miss them.

One day he arrived to meet Nora outside of her Charms class and he saw that she was teary-eyed.

"What's wrong?" he asked, laying an arm on her shoulder and pulling her into a deserted corner of the hallway.

She looked up at him and, after a pause, burst into sobbing tears.

"Nora?" Now Sirius had both hands on her shoulders, completely unsure of what to do. Usually girls were quite happy when around him; this was a first.

"I- I- " She took a deep, shuddering breath, then shrugged off his hands. "I can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered, almost to herself, then stated, louder, "I want to break up with you."

"You…" Sirius blinked, astounded. This was also a first. "But why? I like you, Nora, I like you a lot."

Her eyes became watery again, but she kept her composure this time and continued glumly, "I like you, too, Sirius, but I know you're not happy this way. You never see your friends anymore. I know that you're fighting because of me."

"That's not true! No, Nora, it's not your fault. It's just Remus being a git. We'll work it out eventually. We don't need to break up."

"Sorry," whispered Nora as she started to glide away into the crowd. "I think we do."

Sirius stood rooted to the spot for a few moments, and then his eyes darted to another member of the crowd moving past; Remus Lupin was clutching several books to his chest as he chatted with Peter, walking through the corridor.

Anger surged through Sirius. He pulled out his wand and cried, "Impedimenta!" An unsuspecting Remus was knocked backwards, books and papers flying from his arms as he landed heavily on the floor. Eyes wide, he sought out his attacker, linking eyes with Sirius briefly before the dark-haired boy vanished in the crowd.

**AN: Thanks for the reviews... it's sort of nearing the end... maybe? A few more chapters, though. Thank you for all the support. :)**


	10. Question

**AN: Some of you seemed to think I would be continuing the last chapter into a fight, but Sirius ran away before Remus could hex him back, soo yeah. That's not what I was going for. Anyway, thanks again for the lovely reviews. I hope you like this chapter! I think there will only be one more after this. Hopefully I can get it written before the premiere, because after that I'm busy for a few days. I'll try...! Review, pleeease. :)**

Remus sat alone in the common room; James was at Quidditch practice and Peter was watching him. Remus pulled out his Astronomy homework and set to work labeling a diagram of the night sky. After a few moments of this, someone sat down beside him.

Lily leaned back on the couch. "Hullo, Remus."

"Hi, Lily," he replied, his quill scribbling on the diagram.

She frowned, moving closer to him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"When are you going to forgive Sirius?"

The motions of his quill stopped, but he did not turn to face her. "I don't know, Lily. I see no reason to forgive him."

"Well, you see, he's much too immature to try and fix the situation himself, so you've got to take the initiative."

"I haven't _got_ to do anything," argued Remus, finally throwing down his quill and looking into her eyes. "Why do you care, anyhow?"

"I…," she faltered, and started again. "James is really upset now that Sirius won't speak to you guys. He misses his best friend. And I could pretend that's the only reason I care, but… I can't stand to see you apart. You all care so much for each other, and it's awful for your friendship to fall apart. You're all jokes and laughter all the time, but I've seen Sirius truly caring for you, Remus. He can pretend that that's all gone, but it's not, and you know it. Don't you miss him?"

Of course Remus missed him. He missed Sirius's absurd humor, his ability to raise everyone's spirits, his heartwarming smile, his frustrating comebacks that had lately annoyed Remus so much, but previously were so endearing… "I do," he admitted to Lily, "but I don't see what I can do about it. He seems to hate me at the moment."

"He doesn't hate you!" insisted Lily, glad to finally be making some progress.

"He hexed me in the hallway," Remus pointed out.

"That doesn't mean he _hates_ you," Lily argued. "He was just trying to get back at you for ruining his stuff."

Surprised, Remus almost asked how Lily knew about that incident, but then realized that James must have told her.

"He's big on revenge," continued Lily.

"Well," said Remus, "even before that, he said some things, and I said some things, about his girlfriend there, Nora- "

"They broke up, you know," interjected Lily.

Remus eyes lit up for a second, until he realized this really meant nothing at all. "Typical Sirius. Dates a girl for a week, then leaves her crying at his feet," he muttered bitterly.

"I heard she broke up with him," Lily clarified, having watched Remus's reaction carefully.

"Good for her. Learned what she was really dealing with, I s'pose."

Lily brought her hand to Remus's face and gently angled it so that he was looking straight at her. "Can I ask you something else?"

"Sure," he replied, uncertain.

She took a deep breath. "Sirius… Do you feel something towards him, something more than friendship?"

Remus stared into her thoughtful eyes for a few moments before deciding that she was trustworthy. "I did," he sighed, and it felt so good to admit it aloud. "I do. Yes." He shook his head. "Lily, I don't know what to do! I can't stop thinking about him. It was bad enough before, but now this!"

She looked at him pityingly.

He glanced up again. "How did you- how did you know?"

A soft smile appeared on her face. "Girl's intuition, I guess, but you've been rather obvious. Your obnoxious little arguments… the way your hands always linger for a moment too long… the way you look at him… the way he looks at you…"

"The way _he_ looks at _me_?" asked Remus, confused.

"Oh, yes," said Lily. "He feels the same way, I'm sure of it. You two have been acting like it for a few years now. I've been waiting for something to come of it."

Remus's face scrunched up in incomprehension. That could not possibly be true, surely Lily was only trying to make him feel better. It was crazy enough for Remus to like a boy, when he had never before had feelings of this kind. The boy in question couldn't like him back – that would be impossibly unlikely, the probability infinitely small. Especially when the boy in question was constantly surrounded by an adoring cloud of females. Especially when the boy in question had made it clear that he disliked Remus very much at the moment. Especially when the boy in question was his best friend.


	11. Forgive

The stars sparkled overhead, the night clear of any clouds. Remus lay in the grass not far from Hogwarts school, his head resting on his hands, gazing upward. It was long after students were supposed to be inside for the night, but for some reason, it didn't matter that he was breaking the rules.

He had simply wanted to watch the stars, to feel the cool breeze; that couldn't possible be too much of a wrongdoing. This was the perfect place to think, and he had plenty of thinking to do…

It was absolutely awful living without Sirius. Ever since Lily had spoken with Remus, he ached since he missed him so much. However, he couldn't see any way out of the situation. If he apologized for arguing with Sirius and for messing with his things, maybe Sirius would forgive him – _maybe_. He did just hex Remus in the hallway the other day, so he didn't seem to be ready for any forgiving.

However, even if this conflict was resolved, Remus could visualize a few others happening after the fact. Sirius had been spending so much time apart from the other Marauders, even before this incident, that maybe he would return to doing so and never truly return to the group. More importantly, the most prevalent problem in Remus's mind was the fact that he was hopelessly falling for Sirius, and there seemed to be no way to backtrack from this. Even if they reconciled, could he spend the rest of their friendship happily enjoying Sirius as a friend? Could he relinquish these feelings in order to merely have a best friend again? Was it possible to forget them, all of the things he was feeling?

Remus hadn't heard anyone approach. All was quiet and peaceful as he continued to stargaze and wonder. Suddenly, though, a single silent body appeared next to him, and he peered into the darkness, sitting up quickly.

His heart skipped a beat.

"Sirius?"

Sirius did not look at him, but stared forward, leaning back onto the palms of his hands. "I can't keep fighting with you," he stated clearly.

"Well, I- " Remus was rather confused. "I don't know what you plan to do about it, but nothing has been resolved here."

"Can we resolve it, then?" asked Sirius.

Remus pulled his knees into his chest and waited.

"I'm sorry," breathed Sirius, and Remus could hear his sincerity. "I'm sorry that I somehow completely forgot what it meant to be someone's friend. I'm sorry I spent all my time with girls instead of realizing who I could truly count on. I'm sorry that I was so awful to you. I'm sorry I said those things and argued with you about anything I could think of."

Remus exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, clutching his knees tighter as a slight breeze wafted by. "I'm sorry, too," he said, and left it at that.

**AN: :) I like this chapter. I have to figure out what to do next... eek! It'll be a few days until I update again. Thanks again for all the amazing reviews! **

**P.S. I saw the movie last night; it was FREAKING AMAZING.**


	12. Fly

Everything basically had returned to normal. Sirius was his usual, giddy self, and spent all his time with the other Marauders. He seemed for the moment to be okay with the fact that he didn't have a girlfriend.

Remus was overjoyed to have his friend back and for everything to be as it had always been. Only the small nagging feeling in the back of his mind that came out when he and Sirius locked eyes for a little too long troubled him. But he would have to live with that. It was worth it to be friends with Sirius again.

The four Marauders were gathered by their favorite spot to relax, the large tree next to the lake. James had brought out his broomstick and was soaring around, making complex maneuvers, occasionally tossing a Quaffle back and forth with Peter, who stood watching him.

Remus and Sirius were at the base of the tree. Remus was attempting to master the Conjuring spell, and every once in a while, a random object would appear in the grass as he succeeded. Sirius reclined against the tree, his eyes closed, relaxing.

Growing tired of performing the same spell repetitively, Remus found his gaze wandering over to James on his broomstick. James dove to the ground and back up again swiftly, grinning brightly. "Sometimes I wish I could fly like that," said Remus absentmindedly.

Sirius opened one eye and peered over at him. "Have you ever even flown at all?"

Remus flushed. Clearly Sirius remembered their first flying lesson as well as he did. He had managed to get the broom in the air, but then, flying along only about two feet off the ground, he had somehow zoomed into the side of the castle. He had hit his head on the hard stone and had to go to the hospital wing. It was rather traumatizing.

"Not really, no," admitted Remus, watching James longingly. "It looks so... freeing."

Sirius sat up, now looking at James as well, then eyed Remus curiously. "I could teach you," he said.

"Er," Remus seemed sorry he had said anything. "No, that's all right, Padfoot. I was just thinking out loud. I don't actually need to know how to fly."

"Sure you do!" argued Sirius. "It's a useful thing to know how to do, don't you think? And it is rather _freeing_, as you say. I don't think I know anyone else who can't fly." He lowered his voice. "Even Wormtail can, and look at him."

Remus smiled. "Um... well, I guess you can try to teach me, if you really think I should."

"Excellent!" exclaimed Sirius, jumping up and heading towards the school. Remus followed reluctantly.

A short while later, after Sirius had gotten his broom and taken one from the supply closet for Remus, they stood on the Quidditch pitch. Sirius handed Remus the spare broom and mounted his.

"All right, get on," he instructed, and Remus did.

"Now... push off from the ground," said Sirius. It seemed to take some effort for him to think of flying in such small, simple steps and explain them along the way. Usually he would just rocket into the air. He pushed his feet gently on the ground to ensure he wouldn't go far, watching Remus do the same.

Remus wobbled in the air, clearly having some trouble balancing. Sirius leaned forward and grabbed the end of the other boy's broomstick to steady it.

"There. Now just... stay there for a second," instructed Sirius, letting go.

Remus managed to keep the broom stable. He held on to it as tightly as he could, even though they were very close to the ground.

"Good," said Sirius. "Try going forward a little."

"I can't!" whimpered Remus, looking down.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Just bend down, lean forward, and it'll move." He did this as he spoke, flying a few feet away and then turning around to face Remus.

He made it look so easy. Remus hoped it would work that well for him. He leaned down close to the broom, still clutching it tightly, and it moved forward slowly. When he got to Sirius's side, he sat back up slowly, and the broom stopped.

"Hey!" Remus laughed. "It worked! I flew!"

"Yeah," Sirius yawned. "That was... thrilling. Congrats, mate."

"It's a big deal for _me_," stated Remus, suddenly excited and confident. "I want to try going faster. Hang on- "

He zoomed away toward the other end of the field, gaining height and speed as he went. He was grinning broadly as he turned around and headed back, now rather high up and going quite fast. He had almost made it all the way to Sirius when suddenly, one of his hands slipped from the broom's handle.

Instantly he lost his balance and started wobbling again. Eyes wide, his stomach gave a horrible lurching feeling as he began to fall from the broom –

Screaming, he felt himself fall a little, but one hand still grasped the handle, so he dangled in midair. Looking down, he realized exactly how high he had flown, and his hand was becoming sweaty, and it was getting more and more difficult to hold onto the broom –

Sirius watched in horror for a few moments, then flew over to Remus.

"Help me!" he cried, terrified.

"I don't know what to do!" Sirius yelled back. "Just- just- drop and I'll catch you on my broom."

"Are you crazy? That will never work!"

Sirius had positioned himself under Remus, waiting. "Well, if you have any other suggestions – "

He didn't get to finish, as Remus's hand finally slipped from the handle. He crashed into Sirius and Sirius could feel himself plummeting to the ground, but he couldn't control the broom with this much weight on it-

They crashed into the hard earth, Remus on top of Sirius, both hitting the ground hard.

After a few moments of waiting for the pain to dull, Sirius mumbled, "Ow."

Remus pushed himself up so he could look at Sirius's face. "I told you it wouldn't work," he said weakly.

Sirius frowned. "Get off me," he growled, pushing Remus's chest until he fell off to the side. Sirius sat up and rubbed his head.

"Are you okay?" asked Remus, kneeling next to him.

"Relatively," replied Sirius. "You?"

"I'm fine," Remus said. "I think you sort of broke the fall for me."

"Oh, excellent. How convenient for you," muttered Sirius, still rubbing his head. Remus chuckled a little.

"What?" demanded Sirius.

"Your hair," laughed Remus. "It's so messed up and dirty." He reached over and brushed a chunk of dirt from Sirius's hair.

Instantly he wished he hadn't done this. He felt the pleasant warmth of Sirius's neck, the soft strands of his hair, and felt a familiar electric tingling all over his own body. He withdrew his hand quickly before his face got too red.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked again, concerned, and Sirius nodded briefly. "Thanks for er – " He had planning on saying _Thanks for catching me_, but Sirius hadn't exactly caught him. "Thanks for helping me."

"It's the least I could do," responded Sirius, and then he caught Remus's eye and smirked.

"What?" asked Remus, frowning.

Sirius leaned forward. "Your hair is really filthy, too," he said, fluffing his hand in Remus's hair in an effort to help.

**AN: Thank you guys so much for the awesome reviews! I really appreciate them! So... this chapter is really fluffy, buuut that's okay. :P It's also a lot longer than the other chapters, so I hope you guys enjoy that.**


	13. Run

The common room was almost empty because it was so late in the evening. Remus sat at a table across from Lily, trying to keep his eyes open as he studied his Potions notes. The fire flickered in the background, its warmth and soothing light making him even more tired.

After a long silence, Lily said, "Remus?"

Not realizing that he had laid his head on the table, Remus jolted up. "Hm?"

Lily smiled softly. "You should go to bed, Remus."

He yawned. "I will in a bit. I've still got to... read this." He shuffled through his papers and Lily spoke again.

"Have you talked to Sirius?"

"Of course I've talked to Sirius. We made up days ago..."

"That's not what I mean," said Lily. "Have you _talked _to him? About how you feel about him."

Remus was far too tired to be having this conversation. He shook his head. "Lily, I'm just thankful to have him back as a friend. I'm not going to ruin that by- "

"But you _won't_ be ruining that!" argued Lily, exasperated. "You'll be making it better. If you two finally got together, it would be wonderful!"

"You don't get it," snapped Remus. "What if he says he doesn't like me back? What happens then?" He shoved his stack of notes into his Potions book and stood up. "You're right. I'm really tired. I'm going to bed." He caught one last glimpse of Lily's gloomy face before heading up the stairs to the dormitory.

As much as Lily wanted him to, he would never, could never, tell Sirius how he felt about him. He couldn't risk losing Sirius's friendship again. It wasn't worth it to take that chance.

Remus saw a dark outline appear on the staircase and drew his wand from his robes. "Lumos," he muttered, and it became clear that the shape was a person sitting on the stairs, his head in his hands.

"Sirius?"

There was no response. Remus kicked Sirius's foot and he grunted.

"Sirius, what are you doing up?" Remus asked, laying his book in his lap as he sat down on the stair.

"Couldn't sleep," mumbled Sirius.

Remus eyed him strangely. "Well... I'm heading up right now. You should come, too. You look pretty tired."

Sighing, Sirius lifted his head from his hands. "Moony, I'm so sorry."

"Um... for what?"

"For everything!" Sirius cried. "I can't believe I treated you guys like that, especially you."

"Oh..." Remus tapped his wand on his leg absentmindedly. "Well, I've already forgiven you for that, Pads. It's okay."

"I just wanted to make sure... you knew how sorry I was," Sirius was much quieter now, and looked over at Remus earnestly.

Remus couldn't see very clearly in the dark, but Sirius's eyes were so wide and bright that they were visible. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. I understand, I promise."

Sirius's eyes disappeared. "Okay..."

Sirius was acting extremely strange. Strange in different way than he usually was. He was far too... calm and- and _serious_. And why was he up so late on a Tuesday night? It was awfully confusing.

When Remus turned his head to face him again, he was startled by how close Sirius was so him. And then, all of a sudden, very unexpectedly, Sirius was kissing him. _Why was Sirius kissing him?_ He leaned in closer, and Sirius's hands were on his face, and they were warm, and his breath was hot, and his lips were so soft. This kiss was infinitely better than the last one, the fake one, for this was not fake, it couldn't be, it was far too perfect and wonderful and-

As quickly as it had been initiated, it was over. Sirius stood up, snapping his hands back as if he had touched hot metal, eyes wide again, appearing alarmed at his own actions.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know what I- " He started to back up the staircase, and stumbled, then turned around and ran the rest of the way.

**AN: Thanks for the reviews! I hope you guys like this chapter. :) Obviously I lied a few chapters back when I said there would only be one more... Oops! Pleeeease review!**


	14. Confront

Remus was beginning to wonder whether the kiss had been a dream. After Sirius went upstairs, he had sat on the step for quite some time, his mind buzzing. There must be some plausible reason that Sirius had kissed him. It had been a dare from James, maybe. That seemed pretty likely... Far more reasonable than the other option, that Sirius actually felt something romantically towards him.

After a bit of pondering and a lot of replaying the kiss in his head, Remus eventually went upstairs and crept into the dormitory. It was silent, and he climbed into his bed numbly.

The next day, he awaited an awkward exchange with Sirius. Perhaps he wouldn't even speak to Remus and their friendship would be broken all over again! But no such exchange came. Sirius didn't show any discomfort at all when speaking to Remus that day, or to anyone else: he behaved in a perfectly normal manner. Remus tried to follow his lead, but it was rather difficult. Were they really going to pretend that nothing had happened?

He decided that he would have to confront Sirius about it. He couldn't go on acting as if the kiss had never happened - it was far too complicated. And it wasn't as if Sirius would be able to tell how Remus felt if he asked about the kiss. It would be a perfectly natural thing to worry about even if Remus didn't have any feelings for his friend. He was indeed very curious about what prompted Sirius to kiss him, and it was about time he found out. He would just have to somehow act casual, as if Sirius's answer didn't matter, as if his heart wouldn't be crushed when he found out it was all a joke or a dare.

Remus took a deep breath, trying to stop his heart from beating so fast. The common room was relatively busy; it was the afternoon and students were scattered about, talking and doing schoolwork. Remus figured that he could get Sirius alone in a corner to talk. Peter and James were in Muggle Studies, which neither Remus nor Sirius took, so Remus knew he was safe from their watchful eyes.

"Padfoot."

"Mmm?"

They were sitting on a couch, surrounded by a group of other Gryffindors, who were all chatting and laughing.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" Remus asked. "Somewhere quieter?"

Sirius seemed distracted for a moment, then answered skeptically, "Sure."

They got up and moved to the other side of the room, in a shadowy corner by the stone wall. Remus's arms were crossed over his chest and he released this position, wanting to appear relaxed. Sirius looked at him expectantly.

"Yes?" he prompted.

"Um..." Oh, this was harder than Remus had thought it would be. Acknowledging the fact that it had happened would make it so... real. _Well, yes, that's the point,_ he told himself, and continued. "I was just wondering... what the reason was... that you – "

Before he could say the actual word, before he could say _kiss_, Sirius's eyes widened and he slapped himself on the forehead. "I completely forgot!" he exclaimed.

Remus stood there awkwardly. "Er..."

"There's Quidditch practice today! Gotta go, mate," he smacked a hand on Remus's shoulder before hurrying to grab his broomstick.

Remus was left feeling alone and confused, remaining in the dim corner by himself. Sirius must remember what had happened. It _did _happen, right? He hadn't just imagined it? He was dreadfully tired last night, after all.

No, it had definitely been real. He instinctively knew this. There was no way he could feel this worked up about something that hadn't even happened.

So why wasn't Sirius acting differently? Although admittedly this was better than if he was ignoring Remus altogether, there must be some was to resolve the awkwardness that Remus was experiencing. He had thought that this afternoon was the perfect opportunity, but apparently not.

Sirius came rushing back across the common room, waving to Remus as he hurried through the portrait hole with his broomstick. Remus lifted a hand limply in response and could feel his lips pull into a sad smile.

**AN: I hate that the hits on this are decreasing with every chapter... :( Please review if you do read it! I adore reviews. **


	15. Think

Sirius did not have Quidditch practice. He slowed his pace after exiting the portrait hole and wandered aimlessly with his broomstick. He had known he had to get away from Remus as soon as the suggestion was made that they speak in private, and he had quickly formed an excuse.

He could not believe that he had actually kissed Remus. For some reason, thoughts of shared laughter and the fall on the broomstick earlier mixed with the late hour and the fact that, in the dim lighting, Remus's eyelashes stood in great contrast to his pale face.

But how could Sirius have been so _stupid_? Moony was his best mate; you don't go around kissing your best mate. Of course, his relationship with Remus had always been unique, but all of his friendships were unique.

With Peter, there was a lot of poking fun at each other (although, truthfully, of course, Sirius did the majority of the poking).

And James... well, James was like his brother. He could talk so easily to him that it wasn't even like talking, it was like they were the same person. Except that they weren't... because, in Sirius's eyes, Lily Evans was an annoying little prick.

But he and Remus... well, it was undeniable that they argued a lot. But it could be entertaining to argue, and they weren't always _serious_ things that they fought over. And when they weren't arguing, Remus was so... trustworthy and understanding. Sirius could have a real conversation with him, instead of just joking around all the time. Lately, he admittedly had been having some strange feelings around Remus, and apparently, this is what they were. Apparently he liked Remus as more than a friend.

Which was ridiculous. He couldn't like Moony; it was simply out of the question. There was positively no way that Moony would feel the same way – that would just be weird. So Sirius would have to forget these feelings and move on.

The only problem was that he had still kissed Remus, and he couldn't take that back. He could pretend that since it was so dark, he had mistaken Remus for a girl... No, that wouldn't work. Moony would never fall for that.

Sirius would simply have to tell him the truth. He would tell Moony how he had felt about him, but then promise that he would forget it and never act on it again. Moony would understand. Sirius would just have to deal with hiding these feelings away in order to salvage their friendship.

Once the decision had been made, Sirius turned on his heel and headed back to the seventh floor.

**AN: Thanks so much for all of the reviews and favorites! This chapter is just here to lead into the next one... but I hope you like it, still. :)**


	16. Resolve

Remus looked up from his book as Sirius walked back into the common room, appearing as though he had an important task to complete.

"Padfoot? What happened to Quidditch? It's only been fifteen minutes."

Sirius's eyes found the source of Remus's voice and walked toward him. "It was cancelled," he replied coolly, and when Remus looked confused, he continued, "Weird, I know. It's never cancelled."

"Yeah. Weird." Remus turned back to his book.

Sirius was still standing up, although the other boy was sitting. "Um... Moony, weren't you just about to say something when I left?"

"Hm?" Remus glanced up, distracted. He had somehow lost his courage when Sirius left, as he was convinced he had missed the perfect opportunity. He didn't feel like trying again now. "No, I don't think so."

"Oh." Sirius looked disappointed. "Well, um... can I talk to you anyway?" The kids on the couches and armchairs that had been surrounding them earlier had all disappeared. A quick survey of the room revealed that the only people around were first and second years.

Remus finally closed his book. "If you're just going to apologize again, Padfoot, it's completely unnecessary – "

"I'm not." Sirius shook his head. "That's not it."

Remus shrugged, now thoroughly confused. "Well, sit, then."

Sirius sat down next to him on the couch, closing his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened them again and looked at Remus, he seemed to have a different fervor in his expression, a kind of confidence.

"You're probably wondering why I kissed you last night," he said plainly.

Remus blinked, caught off guard. "Er... I... "

"Wait, wait." Sirius held up a hand. "Let me finish. The reason I kissed you... is because I like you. As more than a friend."

Remus could feel his face growing warm. How could that possibly be true? He was delusional; this was not really happening. "Sirius, I- "

"I said wait!" Remus's mouth fell shut, but his eyes stayed locked on Sirius's, who carried on. "I know that's probably insane to you, Moony. I know that. So I swear that I won't ever say anything about it again, after today. And I certainly won't ever act on it again. I'm sorry that it happened. It must be really awkward for you. But I just had to get this talk out of the way... So, just try and forget it. Please."

He was quiet for several moments, so Remus felt that it was safe to speak. The first time he tried, no noise came out. After clearing his throat, he said softly, so quietly it was basically a whisper, "What if I like you back?"

This time Sirius was the one caught off guard. "What?"

"What if I like you too? As more than a friend?"

Sirius appeared slightly angry. "Well, you certainly didn't make that very clear!"

"Neither did you!" argued Remus.

"I mean, it's not as if you kissed me back. That would have been a nice hint," said Sirius.

"I did!" insisted Remus. "What do you mean I didn't kiss you back? I did!"

"Oh," Sirius frowned. "Well... well, you're not very good at that, you know."

There was a silence as they both seemed to realize that their dispute was entirely irrelevant, that _they both felt the same way about one another_. This opened up a world of opportunities. There couldn't possibly be anything to fight about, not when something as thrilling as _this _could happen.

Remus felt a smile shyly creep onto his face. "I could practice, if you want."

Sirius's eyes twinkled as Remus leaned forward and kissed him.

This kiss was free of any confusion and didn't require a bit of thought. Remus's face was hot under Sirius's hands, but also soft and pleasant. Exploring each other in this way was so different than any other experience they had had during their friendship, as if they were new people. When they broke apart, Remus was still smiling timidly, and rested his forehead on Sirius's. The grey eyes smiled back at him, and it seemed that everything was finally okay.

**AN: Aaah finally! Hehe. :) I'm going to continue this, I just need some new ideas... so it may be a little while before I update from now on. Maybe. Unless I randomly get inspired a lot. ^^ Review please! Thank you sooo much to my reviewers; I love you guys!**


	17. Hush

During the subsequent days, Remus felt entirely and genuinely happy. The tension that had been building for months – _years_ – but that had climaxed in the past few weeks was finally gone. Everything was wonderful. The only thing that prevented it from being entirely perfect was a subject Sirius had brought up the day after their common room kiss.

"Do you think that we should tell James and Peter?"

They had been, again, basically alone in the common room, attempting to do homework, but Remus had been entirely too distracted by Sirius. Sirius's hair, and eyes, and mouth, and the fact that he could kiss that mouth, if he so desired.

"I suppose so," Remus had said. He had assumed that they would tell their friends. "Unless you see a reason that we shouldn't."

"Well," Sirius had said, putting down his quill, "it's just that... I feel like we shouldn't, for now. It might overwhelm them, you know? We can tell them eventually, of course, but maybe it's best to let them know slowly."

Remus shrugged. "If you don't want to tell them, it's fine with me."

This, of course, meant no signs of affection when they were with James and Peter, and they were pretty much always with James and Peter. It was rather unfortunate, but Remus didn't want to risk having a fight about it and losing Sirius when he had just won him over.

He supposed it was all right though. There were moments when the pair of them were alone, and besides, just simply knowing how Sirius felt about him was amazing. Every time they looked at each other, Remus felt giddy. He hoped that it didn't show, if Sirius's plan to keep their relationship secret was to work.

One day, before a Quidditch game, Remus was hunched over a table in the common room, trying to finish up the conclusion of his latest essay. The others were gone to prepare for the game (Peter simply to watch). He was startled when Lily sat down next to him.

"So how are things going with Sirius?" she asked promptly.

Remus looked up. Lily's eyebrows were raised expectantly, but it didn't appear that she knew anything had happened between him and Sirius. "Er... well, Lily, I'll tell you, but can you promise not to tell anyone about it?"

Her eyes lit up once she realized he had actual, valuable information. "Yes, I promise, of course."

"Okay, well, um... The other night, Sirius kissed me."

"He _what_?" Lily shrieked, causing several people to look over at them. Remus fell further back into the couch.

"He kissed me, and then he ran away," he clarified.

Lily lowered her voice, but still spoke excitedly. "Well, did you follow him?"

"No," admitted Remus. "It was late, and I was confused. I had no idea why he'd done it."

"Because he likes you, of course," sighed Lily. "You should have followed him. Well, then what?"

"He acted like it never happened," Remus continued. "He didn't mention anything about it the whole next day. But then... later, he did."

Lily was practically bouncing in anticipation. "He did?"

"He did. He said that he had feelings for me, and he was really sorry, and to forget it and it would never happen again. But then... I said I felt the same way. And so... we kissed..."

Lily clapped her hands together once. "Yes!"

"And now we're sort of... together," Remus concluded.

"That's great!" Lily exclaimed. "I'm so happy for you! See, I _told _you he liked you."

"Yeah." Remus smiled, feeling just a tad embarrassed to be discussing this with Lily.

"So," Lily frowned, remembering the beginning of their conversation, "you're not telling James."

"Sirius didn't want to," Remus shrugged. "For now."

"Well... maybe James and Peter will notice on their own," Lily said. "Then again, they haven't caught on for all these years... Boys." She rolled her eyes.

Remus laughed. "Boys," he agreed. Glancing at a clock, he noticed it was almost time for the Quidditch game to begin and started to gather his belongings. "I'm going to wish Sirius luck before the game." Lily smiled and nodded as he hurried from the room.

On his way downstairs, Remus observed from several windows some Ravenclaw Quidditch players flying around, getting in last minute practice before the game. He pictured Sirius flying in his mind, concentrating hard, the wind whipping his hair... Remus remembered what it felt like to ride a broomstick. It mirrored how he felt now: weightless, breathless, careless. He hastened forward to find Sirius.

**AN: I feel like this story is sort of... done, which is why it took me so long to update. I've used up all my ideas, they're together... what more is there? But you guys seem to like it, so I'm trying to keep writing it. It's more difficult now, though, which is why it took me forever to finally write this chapter. Hopefully you like it. (: Please review!**


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